Who Do You Blame When It Falls Apart?

When things go wrong, it’s easy to look around and point fingers. But what if the real path to growth starts with looking in the mirror? In this episode of Leadership ER, Julia gets honest about the blame trap, shares a personal story of what happens when leadership gets messy, and walks you through the questions that lead to real change. Whether you're leading others or just trying to lead yourself better, this one’s for you. Gentle, honest, and powerfully grounding.

Transcript

🎙️ Who Do You Blame When It Falls Apart?

Whether it’s a team project, a relationship, or a dream you’ve been chasing, when things go sideways, it’s natural to look around and ask, “Whose fault is this?”

We’re human. We want answers. And honestly? Blame feels easier than sitting with disappointment.

But here’s the hard truth: Blame might feel good in the moment, but it doesn’t fix anything.

🧠 The Easy Out

Blame lets us off the hook.
It tells us, “You did your part. This is on them.”

But you know what blame also does?
It keeps us stuck.
It keeps us angry.
And it builds walls where bridges should be.

Leadership—whether you're leading a team or just trying to lead yourself well—isn’t about having someone to point the finger at.

It’s about asking the tougher question:
“What was my part in this?”

✨ A Personal Check-In

Let me tell you a little story.
I was once part of a project that completely fell apart. We missed every mark. I was frustrated. I felt let down. And I found myself thinking, “If everyone else would just step up like I do…”

But after the dust settled, I realized something:
I hadn’t communicated clearly.
I made assumptions.
And when things started slipping, I didn’t ask questions—I just pushed harder.

I wanted to lead well… but I wasn’t really leading.
I was managing disappointment instead of creating clarity.

That moment taught me something big:
You can’t grow through blame. You grow through ownership.

🔁 From Finger Pointing to Mirror Holding

So, what do you do instead of blaming?

You pause.
You breathe.
And you ask yourself:

1. What did I miss?
2. Where could I have stepped in sooner?
3. What can I learn here, even if it hurts a little?

It’s not about taking the fall for everyone.
It’s about being honest with yourself and showing up with humility.

Because real leadership doesn’t look like having all the answers.
It looks like being willing to learn, even when it’s messy.

💬 A Quick Gut Check

Here’s something you can try next time something goes off the rails:

Before you react, just ask:
“What do I want to build here? A wall… or a bridge?”

Walls keep you protected.
Bridges help you move forward.

🛠️ What You Can Do Today

If this episode stirs something in you, don’t brush it off.
Take 5 minutes and think about something in your life that’s fallen apart lately.
Could be work. Could be home. Could just be your own mindset.

Then ask:

• What am I blaming right now?
• What could I own instead?

And hey—be gentle with yourself. This isn’t about shame.
It’s about power.
You take your power back when you stop pointing and start owning.

🎯 Final Thought

The next time it feels like everything’s falling apart, I want you to remember this:

You don’t have to have all the answers.
You don’t have to fix everything overnight.
You just have to start with you.